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I urge my patients - and my own teenage daughter - to begin study sessions by taking sample tests, to see how much they know before figuring out how much more they need to do to attain mastery over a concept or task.
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That’s the moment to push them to become tactical, to figure out how to continue learning and getting the same grades while doing a little bit less. Whenever one of the academically impressive and persistently anxious girls in my practice tells me about staying up until 2 in the morning studying, I see an opening. We can also encourage girls toward a different approach to school - one that’s more focused on economy of effort, rather than how many hours they put in. She’s a capable student and could probably do just as well without working so hard. Recently, as I read “Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban” to my 8-year-old daughter, I stopped at a passage in which Hermione - the fictional poster child for academic fastidiousness - turned in an essay that was “two rolls of parchment more than Professor Binns asked for.” Hermione, I pointed out, doesn’t make great use of her time. Gendered approaches to learning set in early, so it’s never too soon to start working against them. Our daughters, on the other hand, may miss the chance to gain confidence in their abilities if they always count on intellectual elbow grease alone.įirst, parents and teachers can stop praising inefficient overwork, even if it results in good grades. For them, school serves as a test track, where they build their belief in their abilities and grow increasingly at ease relying on them. It may help our sons develop confidence, as they see how much they can accomplish simply by counting on their wits. That experience - of succeeding in school while exerting minimal or moderate effort - is a potentially crucial one. Kate Murphy, the author of “You’re Not Listening,” asks whether your kid’s soccer teammate’s parents were really the friends you needed.
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Cohan, a former investment banker, wonders how the next generation will learn and grow professionally. What do we lose when we lose the office?.Jonathan Malesic argues that your job, or lack of one, doesn’t define your human worth. Is the answer to a fuller life working less?.Opinion Conversation What will work and life look like after the pandemic? The girls don’t stop until they’ve polished each assignment to a high shine and rewritten their notes with color-coded precision. They routinely remark that their sons do just enough to keep the adults off their backs, while their daughters relentlessly grind, determined to leave no room for error. Women feel confident only when they are perfect.”Īs a psychologist who works with teenagers, I hear this concern often from the parents of many of my patients. “Overqualified and overprepared, too many women still hold back. “Underqualified and underprepared men don’t think twice about leaning in,” they wrote. When it comes to work-related confidence, they found men are far ahead.
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When investigating what deters professional advancement for women, the journalists Katty Kay and Claire Shipman found that a shortage of competence is less likely to be an obstacle than a shortage of confidence.
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What if those same habits that propel girls to the top of their class - their hyper-conscientiousness about schoolwork - also hold them back in the work force? And yet, men nonetheless hold a staggering 95 percent of the top positions in the largest public companies. Girls consistently outperform boys academically. From elementary school through college, girls are more disciplined about their schoolwork than boys they study harder and get better grades.
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